What’s more important – love or marriage?

Wedding season has officially begun for me. This past Saturday I attended the most intimate wedding I’ve ever been to – 15 people, including the bride and groom. It was a lovely day, very quaint and quite an experience. But I’m not here to talk about the wedding. I’m here to talk about one thing (my favorite thing) that was said at the wedding.

During the ceremony, the priest said something that I thought was so profound, I had to write about it. He said,

“It’s not love that help keeps a marriage together, it’s marriage that helps keep love together.”

Mental explosion.

I never thought about a marriage that way. I always thought it was love that prevails, sustains, perseveres through any relationship. But after hearing that from the priest, I started to realize that the “love conquers all” bullshit is all fluff.

There’s a lady I work with that’s been married for 45 years. 45 years. And she’s the type of person to preach. I have to say though, I love when she preaches. She’s a very wise lady, and although we don’t agree on everything, she has some very valid points.

Anyway, every time she talks about her marriage, she rarely talks about love. In fact, she told me once that she doesn’t even know what love is anymore. She said that “love” meant different things at different points in her life, and it’s forever evolving. What love meant to her after she got married, is different from what it means to her now. It’s more of a companionship now. Respect for each other. Is that love? She says it is.

So what kept their marriage together this entire time? Although I never got a straight answer from her, I know that it’s marriage that kept them together. No one values her marriage more than this lady, let me tell you. One day she was asked who her “work spouse” was, and she was appalled. The whole department heard it from her that day, and made sure we all knew why. First thing that came out of her mouth was, “That’s disrespectful to my husband.” And I threw my hands in the air and said “Amen”. I totally agreed.

I know there will come a time in my own marriage when I’ll question what love is. There will come a time when I’m going to be hurt and angry enough to forget why I love my husband. It’s scary to think about, but I won’t kid myself. Forever is a long time. “Till death do us part” is a long-ass time. But I’ll never forget what this priest said. Marriage is very sacred to me, and I promise to never give up and run away. (Damn. Now that’s a vow, eh?)

So, what do you think? Marriage > Love? Or Love > Marriage?



Elaine is your quintessential Entrepreneur-with-a-day-job. After getting her BA in French Literature, Elaine found herself working at various major corporations on Bay Street. In the meantime, she worked on getting some projects off the ground, like starting an event planning company, circle scarf business, and launching a review-based website. None of which quite made it off the ground, but the experience and adventure of it all was worth every second. Although you’ll still find Elaine on Bay Street by day, she’s still spending her lunch hours and evenings trying to make her dreams come true.

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